Trumpet Shenanigans

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Space Tree Episode #23
Emotional Distress Business Opportunity
It's like they were meant to be.
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It's like they were meant to be.

Space Tree is involved in a duel with the self-proclaimed superhero, The Stem. But first, he needs to find an official Space Tree Cheerleader. Guest-starring Bryan Waterman as the Stem, McBean as an alien, and Friz as a friggin' snitch. Man.

Cast (in order of appearance): Space Tree, Snitch, Commander, Freely McWheely (non-speaking cameo), Space Dolphin (also non-speaking), Professor Clerman, Eyeball, Alien, The Stem

Places: Space Tree's Ship, This Place

Page title: gimme an s

Running time: 3:45

Date: 4/10/2005

Contents

Transcript

(open to Space Tree, entering a room; he bangs a gong with a guitar, causing a sign to drop down from the ceiling reading "Crew Meeting")

SPACE TREE: Crew meeting!

(the Snitch, Clerman, the talking eye, and the alien fly in)

SPACE TREE: All right, is everybody here? I'd check for myself, but I'm a busy man.

SNITCH: I don't see the Commander anywheres.

(enter Commander)

COMMANDER: Yeah, yeah, I'm right here, you friggin' snitch. (to ST) What is this, Space Tree? I'm trying to eat breakfast here. (holds up a bone)

SPACE TREE: (holds up trumpet) Read the sign, C-Money. It's a crew meeting.

COMMANDER: Yeah, crew meeting? Look, I'm not part of any crew, especially one that's led by you. (close-up) Chim-chim-cher-oo.

SPACE TREE: Yeah, well, CREW MEETING! HO! (he hits Commander in the face with the trumpet, knocking him out) Well, all trumpet shenanigans aside, (throws the trumpet away) I do have a deadly serious matter to discuss. (zooming in) I, Space Tree, have been challenged to a duel by none other than a self-proclaimed superhero, The Stem. (holds up picture of the Stem, with Freely McWheely and a Space Dolphin on it. It also has some dialogue, see the Trivia section)

CLERMAN: The Stem, you say? Well, I've heard that she is one sexy, sexified sex-ahero! I mean, superhero.

SPACE TREE: Yeah, self-proclaimed superhero. Don't forget the "self-proclaimed" part. But -- wait, a minute. She's a she? You mean, I'm fighting a girl? (chuckles) Well, then that just means this battle's gonna be even easier than I thought!

EYEBALL: So what in the damn hell does this have to do with us, Tree?

SPACE TREE: Well, in accordance with the official dueling guidelines, I am allowed to bring with me one official Space Tree cheerleader! Now, who wants to volunteer?! (holds up cheerleading shirt)

CLERMAN: "Cheerleader"? Heh, no offense, Space Tree, but screw you to hell. (exits)

EYEBALL: Yeah, why don't you cheerlead my round ass? (exits)

SNITCH: I don't even know where I am... (exits)

SPACE TREE: Oh, come on! Was that really such an unfair request?

ALIEN: Probably.

COMMANDER: (getting up; he has blood all over his face) Oh man, my head... what the hell happened?

SPACE TREE: You mean, you don't remember?

COMMANDER: No, I just woke up on the floor there.

SPACE TREE: Oh. Well, I'll tell you what happened! You agreed to be my cheerleader!

COMMANDER: Cheerleader? Well, I guess that sounds like something I'd agree to, but why was I unconscious on the floor?

SPACE TREE: Unconscious on the floor?! Come on! There's no floors in space! (laughs) You crazy commander! You're such a goof... ball! Ha ha... (sighs) Put on the uniform.

LATER, AT THIS PLACE...

(The Stem is standing there; Space Tree walks up to him/her/it)

SPACE TREE: Well, well, if it isn't the Stem. Fancy seeing you at this... flower. Ha ha ha... You know, instead of "hour".

THE STEM: (deep voice) Oh, yeah, that's a good one.

SPACE TREE: Well, I hope you came prepared, Stem, because I know I did! In fact, I think I hear the sounds of a leading cheer coming right now!

(enter the Commander, not only wearing the shirt, but also a blonde wig, lipstick, fake boobs, and a skirt)

COMMANDER: (flatly) Yeah. Go Space Tree. Hooray.

SPACE TREE: Geez, you call that a cheer? (recoils) And what the hell are you wearing?!?

COMMANDER: What? Cheerleading uniform... Sorry, if I don't meet your standards, Space Tree-

SPACE TREE: No, I mean- You just needed the shirt! You didn't need the- friggin- all this other crap!

COMMANDER: Uhm, I, I read the guideline book and yes, Space Tree, I do have to wear this, alright? I had no choice. You, you think I wanna wear it? Cause, you know, I'm not comfortable like this. I'm gonna go over there...

SPACE TREE: Yeah, just shut up and go.

COMMANDER: (exits) Gimme an S!

THE STEM: Now that you've got your drag queen here, you think we can get this over with?

(two giant metal legs grow out of the Stem's body, making him/her/it twice as large as Space Tree)

SPACE TREE: Whoa, okay, Stem, ah. You know, I thought about this, and I actually came here to say, let's call it a draw. Cause, you know... I just don't think it's fair to hit a woman.

THE STEM: What are you talking about? I'm not a woman.

SPACE TREE: Well... I am! So see you later! I'm off to go bra shopping.

(enter Snitch)

SNITCH: (his second head is talking) He's lying, Stem. Let's get him! I saw him writing his name in the snow earlier!

SPACE TREE: What snow? (the Stem kicks him out of the screen)

(cut to the Commander, still in the cheerleading uniform. the Stem approaches)

THE STEM: And as for you, Cheerleader... (bows down to him) ...Will you marry me?

COMMANDER: Uh, you know, I'm actually a dude.

THE STEM: And I'm an armed robotic flower who could crush you with its enormous feet.

COMMANDER: (vacant, hopeless stare) It's like we were meant to be.

(the screen goes black, in a heart shaped form. roll the end credits)

Trivia

  • Picture of the Stem, with Freely McWheely and a Space Dolphin
    • This scene with the Space Pres and a Space Dolphin also appeared in Office Space
    • Dialogue:

SPACE DOLPHIN: (holding a bag with a Dollar-sign on it) *gasp* It's THE STEM!
THE STEM: Not so fast Mr. President! or should I say, Mr. Terrorist!
FREELY MCWHEELY: (holding a case with a question mark in it) *choke*!

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